It has been proven countless times that loneliness causes severe depression. This means that when your ex is happy after the breakup and you find out, it’s a huge blow to the ego. So when you tell your ex you believe you should break up and he or she may think it’s for the best, you are going to instantly regret your decision. It always has and it always will. If you saw your ex distant, disinterested and you saw the breakup coming, it’s possible you had “no choice” but to end it. To show your ex who’s boss, all you had to do was to break up and wait for him or her to increase your significance. You see, Phil had made her feel so good at the beginning. I wish you luck in whatever you choose to do. I guess breaking up hurts so much because you never expect this person that you are learning to love, and growing with to ever leave. Thats her shit to accept and do something about and I wondered whether I should reach out and tell her, but NC is for me and Ive accepted not to because she’s stubborn and she thinks theres nothing wrong with her. Keeping reminders of your ex can be detrimental to your health. This is true even if you wanted it. Right now, it may seem difficult to stop obsessing about your ex and his or her new partner, but it won’t be like this forever. All you can do is sit slumped in your bed, staring into nothing, stuck in your thoughts and weeping. Deep down however, they’re hurting. Depression may feel like you want to just stay in your bed and watch Netflix all day. Because relationships are a huge power play and you tried to gain control over your ex, it’s possible you used the push-pull technique and ended the relationship with him or her. When sharing your own feelings, speak from a place of “I”. Gifts, pictures, letters, jewelry can constantly remind you of him and her and bring back unwanted memories and emotions. She wanted closeness with mom, but was afraid that it would eat her up alive. This is very common with the elderly and people with a very small social circle. Have you read all the other articles on here? The longed for mom didn’t come and make her better. They all point to the dumper being the one to reach out and break NC, not the dumpee. When our heart is broken, our mind has a very different agenda than we do. What we want most is for the pain to ease, to stop hurting so badly — but that is not what our mind wants. Maybe in the future she’ll reach out and we can talk about this but only if I feel its in my best interest. Instead when Shelly’s mother felt lonely, empty and alone because her latest guy was high on booze, she turned to Shelly for comfort. 8 Reasons Why Your Ex Texts You After The Breakup, 11 Reasons Your Ex Won't Talk To You Anymore, “15 Reasons Why Breakups Hurt Even As A Dumper”. Its helped me to accept the break up and not take it personally. Don’t  you really want to fix things and get back to a place where everything is smooth and easy? Its been over 6 months since we broke up and im still struggling to get over it and be content in my day to day because we did have some good times and shes the first girl i connected emotionally too on some level… Im struggling to be optimistic about finding someone else and i dont know what to do. The most obvious reason why breakups hurt when you wanted to break up is because you aren’t over your ex yet. When people face difficulties, they will think about their best times and experience powerful nostalgic reminders. You will feel better every day and eventually, your breakup will cease hurting altogether. The more time you spend thinking about your ex-girlfriend or your ex-boyfriend, the longer it’s going to take for the pain to ease. i find myself depressed and thinking about her constantly. In doing so, you wanted to feel valuable, desirable, and feel appreciated for the person you are. Expressing it, on the other hand, is a big sign of insecurity and a huge relationship killer. Perhaps you subconsciously wanted your ex to chase you, apologize and tell you that you were right about an argument or a disagreement. Dumpees aren’t the only ones who can experience difficulties post-breakup. Even if you both know you want to maintain a friendship, a little space for some time won’t hurt. Don’t take it personally when your ex isn’t up for conversations. Why is that? As she felt safer in therapy she started to get her anger out instead of turning it inward and hurting herself with insults. I Just want to hold your hands again. You might find you act in a fit of desperation after a breakup, especially if your ex is ignoring you. Separating from a romantic partner means breaking certain patterns. Want to celebrate tgt your every little and big wins in life. As you say, it’s not up to you to fix her. After a major break up or a death of a loved one, you may feel so upset that it hurts. Instead, keep it all to yourself and carry it into your next relationship. Her mom rarely responded to the beat of Shelly’s needs. Now that you feel down, depressed or disappointed, you likely compare your life to the times when everything seemed better. Shelly had been welcomed into the world by a loving but inconsistent mother. It can feel horrible to go from being intimate to complete strangers in one day. We both very knew to relationships. Perhaps you had plans to date others but it didn’t turn out that great. Mom’s needs were so great that she became an intrusive all-consuming mother that Shelly had a love-hate relationship with. This is largely due to the extreme stress (and distress) your body is under. I can see my anxious reactions and understand them and know I need to work on these, which I will but I can also see her avoidant reactions and Ive come to accept, there’s nothing I can do about that. This can lead people to be frustrated and, frankly, a bit out of control. Why do breaks up hurt so much even when you wanted it to end. See For Yourself! It’s one of those things you should never say unless you’re 100% certain it’s what you want. Instead of keeping things that remind you of your ex, put them in a box and push it in some locker in the basement. Similar to envy, jealousy is a powerful emotion. They will hurt whether you are the dumpee or the dumper, so do what the dumpees do—GET BUSY. 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